I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found your dick twin last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
