let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
