There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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