I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
