I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
