The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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