ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
