My room smells like vodka and shame
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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