i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
