I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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