Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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