I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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