Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
