Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
