She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
