help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
