Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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