Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
