Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just want nice things and good sex
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
