You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
