i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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