I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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