theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
