Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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