There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just found puke in my bra..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
