I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
