I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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