all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
