C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
