Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
