its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
