we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
