batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
