My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
