Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
