My Higher Power is John Stamos
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
