I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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