i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
