There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
