He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
