mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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