What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
