I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
