No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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