Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
