Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
