she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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