mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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