i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
