i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
