He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
