Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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