is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
