I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
